My birthday is on Sunday and I’ve been trying to avoid it like the plague, I was this close to calling World leaders asking if we could all agree to abolish January 8th from the calendar-I’m sorry Shirley Bassey you’ll have to celebrate on the 9th-
Birthdays have always been weird for me, in South Africa the school summer holidays are always December until mid January and because my birthday falls in the first week of January its always been in the middle of the school holidays so I was never surrounded by friends on my day , any party I might have always had to happen weeks after my birthday and because it was the holidays my parents often somehow managed to make travel day fall on my birthday, there is more than one occasion in my childhood where my birthday was spent squashed in the back seat of the car driving for 6+ hours to our holiday destination.
Ali Vingiano recently wrote so eloquently in a recent post It's My Birthday And I'll Cry If I Want To about birthdays being hard and she spoke about “ The joy and pain of celebrating yourself” Ali also has a birthday during the holidays so we have that in common. I commented on the post:
…My Birthday is very early in January when everyone is in a constant state of festive hangover and new year dread that it doesn't feel like a celebratory event.
There is also the ever present birthday anxiety you mentioned that cripples me, -what have I done with my life that is worth celebrating? etc etc…..
Having a birthday during the holiday hangover period coupled with the sudden realization that you’re getting older sent shockwaves through my nervous system as I approached my 30th birthday four years ago, in my last post I spoke about 2022 being my “Annus Horibilius” though on reflection I think the year I turned 30 was when the wheels started to come off-I’ve straight up not been having a good time since 2019.
My friend Schelaine asked me yesterday “how are you feeling about turning the big 3-4, are you ready for your birthday” and the simple truth is no I’ve not been in a celebratory mood and I think its because I don’t particularly think there’s anything to celebrate. I know I have these 34 years but it feels like 34 years with not much to show for it. I mean of course I have done things but it doesn’t feel like anything worth writing home about and perhaps this feeling is a by product of the pressure I put on myself to be at a certain point in life at a certain age. You know in high school you say “by the time I’m this age I will have A, B and C” and then you turn that age and you realize you have none of it or you just have A and the panic sets in and you subconsciously allow the panic to drive you so its all consuming and your only focus is getting A,B and C and you forget to be present in the moment.
After lamenting my “I don’t wanna celebrate my birthday” woes to Schelaine she replied with “ You can celebrate that you’re still here, you made it to another year, we often forget that getting older is a privilege , not everyone gets to do that “ well this stopped me in my wallowing tracks and gave me a little reflection.
So its my birthday on Sunday. I GET to turn 34 and I hope I’m fully present for the 365 days that I am 34….who knows being present might just get me the A,B and the C. I feel magic in 2023 and anything could happen!
xx
A: Celebrate the fact that you can articulate your thoughts so eloquently.
B: Celebrate your infectious personality.
C: Celebrate your relentless drive - This doesn’t come naturally to everyone. It’s something which you’ve had to work on.
D: Celebrate your high level emotional intelligence.
E: Celebrate the way you know how to read the room.
E: Celebrate your confidence!
Not all of your achievements are tangible.
Thank you so much for sharing my post, Tarryn! Sorry I'm just seeing it now but hope you had an amazing birthday, and happy my post resonated! I just turned the same age, so I felt your post too <3